“I’m no longer happy.” Yikes. It can be frightening to consider how to approach your husband about your dissatisfaction in the marriage. How will he react?
That is why many women who claim to be unappreciated, unnoticed, frustrated, and overlooked remain silent. They go through the motions, holding out hope for something to change. If you try looking up how to speak to your husband about being unhappy on the internet, you’re likely to come across information on how to file for divorce. But that is not the only solution. Here are five approaches to having this difficult conversation.
Discuss your own emotions
It’s easier to point out his flaws or start blaming him for how you feel, but concentrate on your own emotions. Rather than saying, “I’m isolated because you go out after work,” simply say, “I’m lonely.” Instead of saying, “I’m tired since I have to do everything for the kids without your help,” say, “I’m exhausted.”
Whenever you blame your husband, he becomes defensive, and what you really want is for him to listen to you. It’s uncomfortable just to express your feelings, but if your husband cares about you, he’ll want to understand why. That’s a good conversation starter.
Discuss what you want rather than what you don’t want
Just get to the point when telling him what you want to see changed. Don’t turn around. Look forward to it. If you tell him you’re lonely and he asks why, you could be tempted to respond, “Because you work all day and then simply come home and go to bed.”
Instead, try to avoid assigning blame and concentrate on what you really want to happen. “I feel lonely because I would like to see you more often and spend much more time with you.” “I adore you.”
Recognize your fear
Don’t be afraid to be open about your concerns when talking to your husband about being unhappy. You can express your concerns about why you’ve been keeping things quiet or worries about what’s on your mind: “I’m worried about what happens when the kids move out.”
Remind him that you are committed and optimistic
Imagine this scenario: A husband and wife get into an argument. They are going in circles and making no progress. “Are you leaving me over this?” the wife asks. “No,” he replies.” Certainly not. I’m not going anywhere.” Their attitudes shift immediately.
Reminding themselves of their commitment to their marriage provided the necessary reset. Even more essential than telling your husband you’re unhappy, is telling him you’re determined to make it work.
Acknowledge that you, too, are willing to put in the effort
A little effort goes a long way in this case. Admitting that there are aspects where you could be more considerate or loving will demonstrate to him that you are not expecting him to resolve the issue on his own.
“I’m sorry for what I’ve done to hurt you,” you say as a team. “Please let me know what you require from me because I am eager to help.” Allow him time to process what you’ve said before asking for a follow-up to talk about it.