Your young adult is no longer a small child. They’ve turned into a teen or a tween, and it’s time to adjust your parenting techniques to stay up with them. They might be way moodier now than they were when they were younger, but with new friends, dating, curfews, and all that, you need to be hands-on with them.
Without question, your adolescent or tween will push you to your boundaries and test your patience. They are, nevertheless, still your child. They still need you, even if they won’t acknowledge it!
The goal is to understand which efforts are worthwhile and which ones are ineffective. Here are some mistakes parents make that you can avoid:
1. Being Prepared for the Worst
Teenagers have a terrible reputation, according to Richard Lerner, Ph.D. At Tuff’s University, he is the director of the Institute for Applied Research in Youth Development. Lerner explains that we send the message to kids that they’re only ‘good’ if they don’t do ‘bad’ things like using drugs, hanging out with the wrong kind of people, or having sex.
However, negative expectations can actually encourage the very conduct you’re trying to avoid. Teens whose parents anticipated them to engage in risky behaviors had greater levels of these behaviors a year later, according to a Wake Forest University study.
Even though you don’t fully comprehend your child’s hobbies or interests, pay attention to them. You might be able to open up a new line of communication, engage with the youngster, and learn something new while at it.
2. Reading an Excessive Number of Parenting Books
Instead of following their intuition, most parents seek advice from outside experts on how to raise their teenagers. It’s not to say that parenting books aren’t useful.
However, these books become an issue when parents utilize them to substitute their own intrinsic skills. Parents become more worried and less secure in their own children if the advice and their personal style don’t match.
Use books to gain a better understanding of perplexing behavior, then put the book down and believe that you’ve learned everything you need to know.
3. Sweating the Minor Details
Perhaps you dislike your preteen daughter’s haircut or clothing choices. But first, think of the big picture before you try to do anything about it. Allow your child to make their own decisions and learn from the implications of their actions if it isn’t putting them in danger.
Many parents don’t want their children to experience any pain, disappointment, or failure as they grow up. However, shielding your child from the reality of life deprives them of crucial chances to learn before they reach adulthood.
Of course, as the parent, you’ll continue to provide direction and comfort. But pause for a moment and let your youngster know you’re there for him or her.
4. Ignoring the Important Issues
Do not turn a blind eye if you feel your child is abusing alcohol or drugs. Even if it’s “only” booze or marijuana, or if it brings back memories of your own childhood, you must act immediately, before it becomes a major problem.
Keep an eye on your teenager’s behavior, demeanor, academic achievement, and social circle for any inexplicable changes. Remember, it’s not just illegal drugs that are being abused these days; prescription pharmaceuticals, cough remedies, and even household goods are all being abused.
Your teen or tween may be utilizing drugs if you find unusual pills, rolling papers, pipes, or matches. Take these warnings seriously and take action. Have all medications in a safe place.
5. Discipline: Too Much or Too Little
Sometimes parents, perceiving a lack of control over their children’s behavior, retaliate each time their youngster deviates from the norm. Others suppress all conflict for fear of being pushed away by their teenagers. Neither of those things is required of you.
It’s all about striking the right balance between obedience and self-determination. You might be able to get your adolescent or tween to obey if you place too much emphasis on compliance, but at what cost?
Since you’re making the calls for them, teens reared in rigid homes miss out on the opportunity to acquire problem-solving or leadership abilities. Inadequate discipline, on the other hand, does not help.
As they begin to explore the world beyond, teens and tweens require a clear structure and set of rules to follow. It is your responsibility as their parents to establish and convey your family’s basic beliefs through your statements and behavior.